Or – have Tardis, will travel.
Have you ever wondered what you might do if given the opportunity to visit your ‘younger self’? (Let’s assume doing so wouldn’t create any gaping holes in reality or any other warned-against dire outcomes of time travel).
Would you maybe impart a bit of wisdom, warn against mistakes yet-to-be-made, or even provide reassurance that it will all be OK?
Maybe your preferred mode of transport would be a Delorean. Or even Dumbledore’s Time Turner. I’d definitely choose the Tardis (Hello, Tenth Doctor!), but I think instead of trying to fix or help with ‘the big stuff’, would take a light approach (I don’t want to scare the kid, and having a random stranger turn up in a blue box would be a bit freaky in itself!).
So I think it would go something like this:
George Michael will break your heart. I know you have the dance moves down pat to ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go Go’ and absolutely rock it! wearing your Choose Life T-shirt, but he’s not the one for you. You’ll just have to trust me on this. Oh, and taking a photo of yourself in front of an A-Ha poster…not cool. People can tell that you’re not really with them.
Spoil your mother a bit more. Your gifts until now have been a bit…lacking. Did you really think that bunch of fake flowers and a crappy vase from the $2 shop was an awesome mother’s day present? Oh you did? Well…try harder next time, OK?
While we’re on the subject; in a couple of years you’ll have to do a school project on your family. Here’s a tip – Mum isn’t ‘just a boring old housewife’. OK, maybe you won’t write those exact words but they’re pretty close. We both know you don’t mean it that way, but…talk her up a bit. She’s a great mum and deserves it (especially as your dog got such a detailed mention…with photos!).
Hang in there with your sister. Sharing a room will only happen for a few more years – around the time when your Guns n Roses posters take over and you also discover Aerosmith. She’s really not so bad – she just has her own friends, is more grown up, and doesn’t always want her little sister hanging around (these things just happen).
Oh, and that thing you guys have with an imaginary line down the middle of the room (meaning she can’t access the door as it’s on YOUR side) is mean! Things may seem terrible now, but these times will give you some great memories when you’re older. You’ll remember things differently, and she will actually turn out to be your best friend and someone you’ll share many laughs with (especially over her past love for Billy Idol). It seems really far-fetched now, but I promise that one day you’ll wonder what you’d do without her. You’ll also wonder how someone’s laugh can make you laugh harder than the joke itself…but that’s something for another time.
Don’t stop playing the guitar. You’ll regret it down the track, and when you pick it up again years later will discover how much you love it. Keep trying even though your fingers hurt and you think you suck. Just a tip though – ask Dad to buy you some real strings. That fishing line he put on the ‘D’ string is not really cutting it.
That money tree will never grow. I hate to break it to you kid, but those coins you planted have long been dug up and spent by your brother and sister. It was a bit of a joke, apparently (one you fell for). So you can stop watering it now. They’ll continue to leave you out of things at times, and play these kinds of tricks on you (you are very gullible, aren’t you?), but it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They’re just being pests.
Brush things off. When you’re around 15 a friend’s mother will ask, ‘Have you always been chubby?’ Just brush it off. You’re not chubby, you’re healthy and active. Don’t run home and weigh yourself – there’s enough time for that ‘joy’ later in life.
You’ll learn why people say dumb (or even hurtful) stuff later, too. So when it happens just ignore it and move on.
Think about choosing a different AFL team. I know you love Richmond, but you’re in for years of heartache. You’ll convince yourself it doesn’t matter that they haven’t won (or been in) a premiership since around the time you were born, and that they’re a ‘scrappy’ team full of heart. You’ll also eventually come to love the number 9 (sigh).
But just think about it. Maybe Sydney? Red is your favourite colour, and you did once have that thing for Warwick Capper (or maybe that hasn’t happened yet?).
Anyway, no pressure (we really do love them, and their year is coming!).
Keep reading! I know you love it now, but even bigger things are in store. One day you’ll discover Roland, Jake, Oy, Susannah and Eddie (they’re on a quest to The Dark Tower!) and will consider them dear friends. You’ll have to wait years in-between some books – and will curse Stephen King at times for this – but it’s so worth it (especially the part where Oy wears ruby slippers…or whatever Billy Bumblers wear on their paws…anyway – you’re gonna love it).
Oh – and those comics you read? Buy the Sea Monkeys!! I’m still wondering after all these years if they were as awesome as they looked in the pictures.
So there it is, young one. Not big life lessons – you’ll have to learn those yourself. At times you’ll be scared, and there will be many tears – but you’ll get through them. They’ll make you stronger, make you kinder and more compassionate toward others. People will tell you that at times live life through rose coloured glasses – but you’ll be OK with that.
Now go have fun! If memory serves, you’re about to go searching for Tasmanian Tigers again with your brother. I know you both think they’re still around (even if they have been extinct for years)…so enjoy!
Oh, and I almost forgot…don’t blink!
(not spoiling the surprise on this last one…you’ll just have to wait)